Well we had a nice quiet weekend but I am a bit stressed today. I guess you could say it isn’t a bad stressed if there is such a thing. On Friday I finally got a reply from my H.R rep at work acknowledging Nov 10th as my full time change over date at work. In the response she mentioned that because she would be on vacation that week that the managers would be notified this week. So, the cat will be out of the bag sometime this week.
Having EVERYONE at work knowing was the ultimate goal in moving forward, but having so many people know all at once is incredibly stressful. Also in the email she mentioned what the anticipated dress code should be. Basically telling me I needed to keep within the parameters of my job(duh). Because of the type of work I do I am a bit perplexed by what changes I will really make. A different pair of jeans maybe? The girls will be up and forward instead of tied down? Otherwise, nothing really changes except the name on the door and corporate email!
Friday night another minor thing had arisen for me. It’s not a new issue but it is definitely an issue I’m trying to learn to deal with. In fact I talked to Annah about this today and she had similar feelings about the subject when she went full time. Getting checked out by boys.
Dee and I met our friend Cynthia for dinner and drinks at the Olive Garden. I’d been jonesin for some good Italian food. After dinner when we were leaving as I approached the doors to leave I noticed to men talking to each other and both stopped to stare at me. As I got outside by the parking lot I notice d that they were still looking in my direction through the doors and talking.
My brain splits into 2 different schools of thought at this point.
1) They are reading me and they are not too happy to see a transsexual in their favorite restaurant.
2) They actually thought I was cute and they were checking me out.
Most people want me to believe it is the latter but my brain trying to keep me safe jumps back and forth. The real issue though is like Annah stated, they were probably checking me out and well, living in the male world I have a good idea of what they may have been thinking. It’s a weird feeling to be looking at guys as though they are pigs now but being in that position I see no other possibility.
Being looked at by a guy in a sexual way is a bit unnerving and foreign, especially being that I do not like them in that way. This is going to be one big hump to get over and get used too. At least my brain was willing to reason finally that it might actually be that they think I’m hot. This was positive movement for me.
Recently doing some searches on the internet I came across a website and a myspace page for the old bass player from the ban I used to be in. Dee and I always liked Dave, he was a cool guy and produced one of the Boston radio shows called “The big Mattress”. Dave had no idea of what changes I’d been through so I myspaced him through Diane’s account and sent an old picture with the caption, “hey know who this is” . Dave was cool about things and asked a bunch of questions as well as making some cool jokes. One issue that arose was when he asked if Vin our old guitarist knew and I told him no. Dave decided to send just my picture to Vin and see if he could figure out who it was. What a way to shock a guy. Vin’s response was one of the best yet.
So I sent him your pic. His first reply was that he had no idea who you were and asked if it was someone who he slept with or wanted to sleep with back in the day. I replied with a hint that we used to play together and he still couldn't figure it out. So I told him that it was you and this is his reply:"NO FUCKING WAY!!!!! I NEED PROOF NO FUCKING WAY!!!!! NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!"
LOL So hurry up and get a vagina so we can really freak him out LOL
I love it, how do you not laugh at that. The really crazy thing is that posting pictures of myself on the web in the beginning was hard. I figured for sure people would know who I was. It’s funny to think that one of the guys who spent countless hours learning songs and jamming with me had no idea when he saw his old counterpart. I guess it makes it more apparent that there really are drastic changes.
Lastly I wanted to touch on the big news that is running rampant throughout most of the trans blog world today(Thanks Kathy) . Apparently scientists in Australia have isolated a gene that could have some responsibility for being transsexual. It seems this particular gene tends to be longer in M2F transsexuals and it is responsible for the body being able to process testosterone. Scientist think that people who have this defective androgen gene may not be able to utilize testosterone to its full extent. In this defect the brain in gestation remains female.
Some think this is just the tip of the iceberg and others think it isn’t much to be excited for. The reality of what the implications could mean is that if it can be proven that transsexuality has a biological basis then insurance would have to cover it, it’s not a choice as once thought.
If you want to read more
http://www.samesame.com.au/news/local/3161/Transgender-People-Validated-By-Aussie-Research.htm
http://www.smh.com.au/news/lifeandstyle/health/genetic-basis-for-transsexualism/2008/10/26/1224955922850.html
Other than that there’s not a ton new, it was a reasonably quiet weekend. I think the only other thing is that I bought a couple of new pairs of jeans.. oh yay! Exciting huh. LOL
Hope you’re well peeps
Karyn
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