Jan 17, 2009

just sayin

Sometimes being couragous isn't enough.
Sometmes being true is too painul
Sometimes to mend a heart it has to break
Sometimes in strength we expose weakness
Sometimes in safety we still see fear.
Sometimes walking with others still feels lonely
Sometimes reading others hurts too much.
Sometimes the hill is just too damn steep.

Some would say that being an empath is a gift to embrace and nuture. Having a gift as such opens your feelings up and makes your nerves raw. Sometimes I would just prefer not to be able to feel the negativety that oozes from the pores of some pathetic person who cannot possibly understand me or how my mind works.

It isn't a gift to walk through a room with thousands of people and be able to focus in on the negative energy directed your way from that one or two people. It's much easier to be numb and not know than it is to have a gift and let it hurt you. Being this way somedays is akin to being able to find that needle in a haystack and finding it in record time.

Today I am riddled with emotional weakness. Something I haven't felt in a very long time. I miss my home, I miss my family, my feeling of security .. Somedays, I'm just too ashamed for allowing myself to feel anything less than being happy and being me...

Sometimes, I'm just sayin and hoping that someone will actually listen and hear me. Today I cannot be someone elses rock, I need someone to be mine!


Samantha said...

Just dropped you an email, in it is my phone number, please, feel free to call. I can be your rock today, and can suggest some ways to help temper our mutual gift without going numb.



Samantha said...

You're quite correct, walking into a room and knowing what people are feeling can be awful wearing sometimes. Sometimes I just want to deal with my own feelings and not have to deal with everyone else's too. It's especially hard with people I care about, people I love, because it hurt me to see someone else in so much pain.

I know what it is like to not have someone to be your rock when you spend so much time doing it for everyone else. I know what it's like to need to be heard and felt rather than doing all the hearing and feeling for everyone else. I know what it's like having a phone in your hands that can call anyone, if there was just someone to call.

You say you miss your home, family, security... Where are you? Are you okay? Has something happened? What's going on? Anything I can do to help? Gee, I wish I lived closer like back in the day, I'd come over, put you in the car, take you over to the common man, upstairs in the back and give you frozen strawberry daiquiris, pmegrantiteenies, my ears and heart. Please be okay?

VĂ©ronique said...

If you didn't have days when you felt like you do, then you wouldn't be human. Being empathic myself, I know it's difficult to be flooded with such negativity. But you'll get through it. You don't have to be the rock. You need to take care of yourself too. Hugs! If you want talk, hon, contact me on FB. Listening is what I do.

Heathercam said...

Feeling alone and far from home with no one to talk to can be overwhelming. Just know, we're never as alone as it seems. Friends will find you and offer you an ear and a shoulder once they know you need them.
Being aware of the negative energy of others can really be a burden. I think it's true - at least sometimes - that ignorance CAN be bliss. :-P