Sep 23, 2010

March 22nd, 2011

All I did was post a date a few weeks ago. I needed time for it to sink in and time for the vacation we were planning. Diane and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on Sept 15th. While it seems like a huge milestone and I know it is, we have actually been together 27 years this year. Still it was something to be happy about and we celebrated with a vacation in Florida at Disney. We have a beautiful hotel, great weather and a park that was a tad slower because school was back in session.

Now that I'm back and have had time to start absorbing that date let me start by saying March 22nd 2011 is the date of my surgery with Dr Brassard in Montreal. It's kind of funny because the people around me are all wondering why I'm not excited about that. So let me start by saying, I am excited about it. I'm also very very nervous, a tad scared and very anxious.

While I knew that the "goal" of this was to be able to be comfortable with my body and live my life in a more normal way, it took me a long time to get to this point. I deliberately took my time to make sure that every decision was the right one. Not only for me but all the closest people to me. In my heart I know it is the right decision and yet that didn't prepare me for the wave of emotions I've been feeling.

When I took those first steps notifying a TG friendly therapist, going into counseling and making the decision to transition from male to female, I hadn't been prepared for the roller coaster wave of emotions that would hit me in those first early months.

Fear, elation, worry and so forth were just the tip of the iceberg. There's a certain amount of emotion that overcomes you in realizing that everything you knew about yourself and needed was finally coming to fruition. Annah Moore told me this was normal to feel this way, she had dealt with the same feelings in her own experience. Eventually those feelings and emotions leveled out to a sense of normalcy and life because a lore more steady for me

2 weeks ago I opened my email to find a note from Dr Brassard's office confirming that they received all my paperwork, that it was in order and that they had a date available asking if I would like it. As soon as I read March 22nd, 2011 I can say that my whole body started shaking and I felt as though I was in shock. I wrote back and told her that YES, I'll take that date after consulting with Dee.

Once things started to settle in the whole wave of emotion that hit me in late 2005 had come rushing back. It was most certainly not something I had prepared for and yet when I told Annah and my friend Cyn about it I was assured that they had dealt with the same thing. In fact I believe Cyn is enjoying reliving her experience through me ..lol.

Anyway that's the BIG news and I am quite happy about it. Now just the anticipation … lol

~K~

3 comments:

Veronica said...

Hehe. I knew what that date was, didn't I.

Congratulations again! And I'm not surprised at the depth of emotion. I looked back in my blog, and I wrote only a very brief entry on the day I got confirmation of the date of surgery. I seem to recall hyperventilating for a period of time.

I understand what your friend Cyn is saying. A blogging friend is currently in recovery in Philadelphia. Another friend will be heading to Montreal next month. I get all excited when someone I know gets the same wonderful thing that I got!

Anne said...

What a wonderful feeing! Enjoy it to the fullest. Like your friend, your elation brings me vicarious joy.


Enjoy, Enjoy, Enjoy! I cannot even remember those long forgotten days, but I do remember them as being momentous.

Best of EVERYTHING,

Anne

Cynthia Tork said...

You can't help but relive that emotional roller coaster on your own. At least I can't.

But when one of your favorite people and best friends is going through the same thing, yes you do get "sympathy pain" be it mental or physical. LOL

Enjoy the ride. You'll look back on it fondly