Aug 26, 2008

DMV part deux, Zap Zap old friends

Well back to the DMV today for the "retake" and I'm pleasantly surprised, they seem to have finally gotten things under control. As I walked in I noticed a sign that simply said "retakes" The officer that was there the last time happened to be working again and asked me for my letter. Lucky for me I got to jump the line, apparently retakes get priority. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because there was probably 6 people in line and 3 lines working.

The officer took my letter over to one of the girls working the camera and computers, not long after I heard her yell out "KARYN?" It's the first time my name has actually been called out loud in such a manner in front of a room full of people. She snapped my photo and showed it to me, asked me if it was ok (It's a DMV photo, it's never ok!) I then went and stood to the side and waited. KARYN! You're all set!!

In all honestly I went au-natural for my picture. I didn't have any makeup on; in fact I had just gone from work to do this. I let my hair down and made sure it looked decent and went in. Now as I said, eh it's a dmv photo, but I'm happy that it came out much better than the last one and even without makeup my face does look feminine in it so I guess I can live with this one. It does however suck that I'll have been on a cheap paper temp license for a total of 4 months! If anything this redo worked in my favor as I hated the other crappy pic anyway.

This past weekend was quite a busy do nothing weekend. Saturday Dee did her last shift at curves and then as she was getting out I had my first electrolysis appointment to finally take care of the gray hair. To say I was nervous was probably an understatement; I'm a wuss at heart. When I got there I was met by Rita who owns the place and does the zapping. She did her best to calm my nerves and help me feel comfortable which was awesome.

As she was explaining the process, the dos, the don'ts and whatnots we could hear Dee's bike pull up outside (Hey it's a Harley!). When Dee walked in I opened the door to let her in the room and the consult continued. I had set an hour appointment for this session and we ate up about 40 minutes doing all the paperwork and questions so it wouldn't leave more than 20-30 minutes for her to work on me.

As I lay down on the table I mentioned to Rita that there was something familiar about her but I simply couldn't put my finger on it. Seems she thought Diane looked familiar to her as well. When I asked where she was originally from she blurted out my hometown and I mentioned that we were from there as well. When Diane asked her maiden name and Rita gave it I shot up off the table. "Why, do you know the name?" she asked. I mentioned I used to hang around with a girl named Jean in high school and it turned out to be her sister. I knew her family! No wonder it made sense that there was a familiarity about her.

What turned out to be even more funny was that she said in an email that her and her sister used to get picked up and driven to school by a kid named Pete and another kid. That kid was actually me .. LOL Again small world!

Rita commenced to explaining what she was doing as she did it and in no time we were underway. I have to admit that after having been lasered this was a piece of cake; I could have slept on the table as she worked on me. I don't know what I was so worried about all this time. There wasn't really much pain at all and all I can do is liken it to a pinprick. After she was done I decided to make an appointment for this Sat, we'll see how that goes.

After we were done Dee and I decided to grab a few shirts and head over to Harley as they are running an Aug special of trade in a dealer's shirt and get 25% off a new dealer's shirt. This would serve me well as I need to purge male Harley shirts for girl's shirts anyway so at least I get something for them and apparently the dealership is donating the old shirts to charity. So I ended up with 2 new girls shirts that I really liked. I'm thinking before the end of the month I may trade in another 4 shirts.

As Dee was writing the check to pay for the shirts she needed her ID from the bag in my bike so I went outside to get it. As I was walking back towards the door I was approached by a guy. "Is that your friend's sportster?" I told him it was and he had remarked that it was a really nice bike and I just thanked him. As I walked in the door it suddenly clicked with me that he called Dee my friend which meant if he was seeing a boy that isn't typically something a guy would ask. Implying Dee was my friend meant he saw a female. Getting this from strange men has been something I really needed so I know I'm passing to both sexes. That made my afternoon!

Saturday evening Dee and I did something out of the ordinary for us; we went out late for a few margaritas. It was a nice change instead of feeling old and spending Sat evening at home.

Sunday morning we had to get up early and do my monthly breakfast with my cousin Betty. It's something I think we have both become fond of doing so that we can spend time getting to know each other. She's been accepting and calling me Karyn quite easily so it's an added bonus.

From there we headed over to Home depot to pick up some bolts so we could reassemble our old couch in the family room. We are hoping to have our friends from Chicago visit in the near future and we are trying to get things back in order for their visit. After we walked out of HD and approached our bike a gentleman rode up on a Harley slightly older than mine. He seemed quite cheerful and as he walked by us commented about the chill in the air on the bikes and proceeded to admire Dee's bike, chatted a few minutes and off he went. As he walked away he chirped "Have a nice ride ladies!" Hey another one!! I was so stoked…

I still have a hard time understanding that people probably see a girl, I just get nervous that I'll expect that's what they see and then I'll get sired or something. My friends Cynthia and Kristi both get frustrated with me. Cynthia told me in email yesterday, sorry I just don't see Kevin, I do see Karyn though, and you look fine! I know they think I'm crazy but I also understand that the people closest to me tell me they see male, they don't see female so for whatever reason that seems to stick in the back of my mind.
If anything I see it in the mirror now easily, Kev's gone and I am getting used to hearing Karyn. My heart still skips a beat whenever I'm addressed by my name. I just hope I can get over this last hump soon so RLT can start.

Well, tomorrow is the monthly counseling session I(oh yay!) Life is good and I'm happy, for now that's the most important thing because I know the rest is following and will only get better.

I hope you're all happy, healthy and fulfilled
Karyn

5 comments:

Véronique said...

Congrats on a good new photo and a good experience! Hope your real licence arrives sooner than you anticipate.

It's been quite a while since I've been "sir"ed. It's always "ma'am" and "ladies" these days. Even quite a while ago, when I was ostensibly presenting as male, a waitress asked if my spouse and I wanted separate bills. So she was seeing as as female friends even when I wasn't trying.

And you look far more feminine than I do, judging by your photos. However, even though I've been "ma'am"ed for quite a while, it's still a joy and a thrill. Enjoy it! We've earned it.

~K~ said...

Thanks for the congrat's veronique, that was nice of you.

I also appreciate the comments on my appearance. Like you I've been getting maam'ed in boy mode for a long long time. In fact there have been times I've mentioned to my wife that I doubt I could ever fully go back to being boy and ever get taken seriously that way. Not that I would want too.

My "mental" issue with it tends to be more over my friends instilling I look like a male to them and I have male features. I had one friend who is incredibly supportive say that looking at the picture of me sitting in car.

On the flip side a FTM friend of hers looked at the picture for her and told her that "she was nuts,looks like a girl to me, just look at those boobs!" .. Typical male response.

I hope those issues don't sound like they are bleak, I only add them so people understand how we go into this situation and transition. I want people to understand it isn't just waking up one day, throwing on girls clothes and declaring we are women ..

I want them to know we believe it from birth and yet because of the way we are socialized these issues are put as obstacles for us to overcome ... if that makes any sense ...

Besides Sara said she didn't want it to be all fluff! LOL :oP

Karyn

Véronique said...

I think it means I don't have enough friends. :) I moved far away from people who knew me a long time ago. If I were closer to them, I might face the same thing you do.

I agree with what you said about the process we go through and that it's not something that happens quickly or easily.

Sara said...

Hey, I heard my name! :)

Seriously, I love the way you mix fluff and the more practical issues and the deeper thoughts and feelings that define your journey.

Your observations fit what I learned in my psych student days; those who have no history with you only see an attractive woman (the accurate view), but a few folks that have known you for years get fooled by their long term memory or some aggregate of ltm and reality. They cannot help themselves, it's like the pronoun thing. I'd bet they are like that in many areas of their lives (and they don't even know that it is bothersome).

Another congrats on your DMV experience, too!

~K~ said...

Yep you heard your name, isn't that an awesome feeling? Wait till you stand in a public line and the clerk yells out Sara!! You'll beam!

I'm glad you like the nonsense with the deeper issues. I sometimes worry I'm getting to serious or too wishy washy when i write.

Attractive woman? Why thank you my dear you know how to make a girl smile!! Where do I mail the check?

As far as what people see out of burned in memory or old habit, you're 100% correct there. Using the pronoun issue was a really good analogy to put it in persepctive and it makes a lot of sense.

Hope you're well ..Sara..

Have I ever told you Sara is such a lovely name? It seems so pure and innocent...