Jan 23, 2007

My stages of GID

This is reprinted form MDLW. I may do this on occassion until this blog is the only one running. I think the more some of this information gets out the better it can be for others so I want to share it.

I've decided to start sharing how I've gotten here and the changes form the begining..Hopefully it will be interesting and maybe informative for some. I'm always willing to answer questions about it as well


When I was young maybe around the age of 5 and then more so at the age of 7 I knew something was not right with me. I never understood the aspect and the differences in gender at that age so it wasn't as though I could point to it and say that I felt female in my mind.

I understood that I was being pushed to socialize and be segregated with the boy on the playground. Back in those days things were much different in the boy/girl socialization and it was never more noticeable than things like school yard recess. I specifically remember how the girls were on one side of the school yard and the boys were on the other separated by a yellow line like you would see down the center line of a divided highway.

I never understood why I couldn't go over to the girls side I just knew I wanted too. I never equated it to the differences within my mind as much as it just seemed more natural to want to be over there. I was never a rough and tumble boy it just wasn't in my nature and for the most part I tended to be a lot more sensitive than my peers.

When you are that young and thrown into a situation that you are not comfortable with it can deeply affect you. I certainly knew I had to learn to play a tough guy act if I was to survive among the other boys, after all that is how I was being socialized. At times I could play a tough guy act but if I was called on it (which happened easily I didn't appear tough) I couldn't back it up.

I think as most parents our job in nurturing our children isn't much different than training an animal to some degree. If nature dictates a specific behaviour we then take that behaviour and use it as a modified trick further evolving the behaviour in the animal. This for the most part is the easiest way to train any animal.

So how does this equate to human beings? I think any child that shows a natural positive behaviour, that particular behaviour should be reinforced and nurtured. For instance if your child shows a talent for drawing then it is easy to make drawings a positive thing thus allowing the child to hone the talent. I don't see how this couldn't be done with anything that works to make a child grow into a well rounded adult.

This was a talent my mom simply didn't have when it came to understanding her child. Anything regarding being different or being less than the other boys was something she made an attempt to correct. For instance instead of asking me what activities I might be interested in she made it a point to push me into them.



She tried to push me into contact sports but being the type of kid I was, the thought just simply terrified me and it was one of the few times I remember her not pushing me into it as she had done with other things.

I look back now on those times knowing what I've learned about myself wondering how I made it through. To some degree it is like being stuck in mid drift of anesthesia and having the doctor start the surgery. You are aware that it is happening but no matter how hard you try you just cannot communicate what is wrong. I'm finally thankful for the first time in my life I am able to communicate my inner self to the outer world and I only hope the world listens with acceptance and support ...

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