Today looks like it will turn out to be a nice day. The past 4 days have been incredibly hot with yesterday reaching 100 degrees. When it starts getting in that range the only time I venture out is to move from place to place. Thankfully today is only supposed to be mid 80's (Boy that sounds kind of funny)
I'm feeling incredibly rundown today and I'd swear I could sleep for 24 hours straight. I'm not sure what's making me feel this way, I took a nap yesterday after dinner and went to bed at my normal time so I actually got more sleep than I normally would. The only thing I can think of is that the heat and humidity just took a lot out of me.
The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me and I think part of it is largely due to feeling rundown. On the board I run the people have been super but a few have taken too calling me names on another board. Some days my skin gets way too thin for all the judgment we transsexuals receive and I end up letting in take me over. Add into the fact that my nerves are up over the change of name and well you can guess it gets to be pretty stressful.
The thing that sucks is that in my heart I don't like making others uncomfortable, making them feel like they can't be around me and I always have a bad habit of putting other feelings above my own. This is something that a lot of transsexuals deal with before transition and they need to learn to be slightly selfish so they can take care of themselves. From the time I was a little child this has always been my nature and it is a tough thing for me to overcome...
I can easily say I don't care what others think but some days it gets hard to actually feel that internally. Maybe some would view it as a weakness but I view it as compassion to some degree. I feel sorry for other people that they need to be consumed by disdain for other human beings.
Tonight is my session with my counselor and I guess I am looking forward to this one. I need to put somethings into perspective for my own peace of mind so I can move on comfortably.
I have'nt had much to say recently, maybe because of the fact that I've let way too much get to me and I don't like others to think it's all bad. Life is good, much better than it was and I'm terribly lucky, luckier than most people in my position. I have an incredible family who not only loves me but continues to point out what I'm doing is right. So many of us deal with the very opposite. Hopefully I'll never be able to take that for granted.