Jul 28, 2008

Feeling aware ...

I don't know if it is just in my head or I'm now living in a state of heightened awareness. I'd known since I start hormones that my sense of personal space had changed. I became much more aware of my personal space and the people who invade it. At times without hearing anyone come in the room and noticing they were there I could feel their presence behind me, I could literally feel their being. I swear sometimes it is like something out of a star wars novel.

Sunday morning as usual we got up and had a nice breakfast. Generally we end up going out on Sunday morning but this weekend we had decided to stay in and have a nice breakfast at home. Honestly I could have used a Bloody Mary or a Mimosa! After breakfast we decided what to do for the day and headed off to grab our groceries. Dee also wanted to go shopping for some new sneakers.

We decided to hit our local Hannaford and get what we needed for the week. When we arrived there it was amazing to see so many people doing their shopping. We had gotten a later start Sunday, usually we are shopping by 9am; this time it was more like 11

I don't know who he was, nor do I care to know. I could feel his presence, I could feel his stare and I could feel anger and hatred. Sure enough when I turned around I was being started at in a very intense manner. I couldn't figure out which spooked me more, the fact that he had that intense stare or that I could feel his anger.

Every turn I would go back to my own business and without seeing him I could feel his presence whenever I would come into his view. It had to be one of the most unnerving feelings that I have ever experienced.

When I pointed this out to Dee she looked at him for a few minutes and simply said "He's mad at the world for some reason" Somehow I think she was right. My instinct for a brief moment slipped back into the old me and I wanted to confront him, but I know that now that would be the foolish thing to do as I am no where near the strength I used to have and even then I wasn't terribly strong.

I don't profess to have any weird gift and quite honestly I've never gotten into the whole psychic ability thing. There's no denying what I felt though, it was too real and too charged to not be.



Samantha said...

No, it's most certainly not just you. Me, I've always been very empathic, HRT was like going from being strong with the force, to a full on Jedi. And, it's not just HRT, this is the part that always amuses me.

You have gone from living a life that wasn't yours, suppressing so much of yourself and what you were feeling, to finally being free. With this freedom comes a new awareness of those gifts women have by virtue of our birth. Empathy, Intuition, sensitivity to what others are feeling and more are all part of the package.

It has been said by some, that the effect of HRT is like going from a B&W world, to one of technicolor. While this is true, I don't think many people have really dove into this new experience and what it all means. Part of this is there is so much to be done, juggled in transition, in life in general, that we often can't grant ourselves the chance to really explore our new life fully. So, much of this catches us off gaurd, especially in day to day things when we are struck with new "abilities" and/or awareness.

So belief in psychic ability isn't really required. You are a new and better person, real, solid, and rich in heart and soul where Kev was more like a poppet. Doesn't at all surprise me what you have experienced, and frankly it is just one more little bit of validation that you are doing the right thing for you. This is wonderful Karyn! Congratulations and welcome to wonderland!

If it ever gets to be too much, let me know, I can teach you newer, healthier ways to help turn down the gain so to speak without shutting it off the way we did in the old days.

I'm sorry that your first major awareness of your new secret (or not so secret) power was from such a negative person, but over time, you'll notice you are much more in tune with the world and people around you. As an exercise, take a walk in the woods, away from people and open yourself up. Let yourself feel, and thus see, all the life around you. I promise it will be a whole new experience, like nothing you've ever done before.

Your grown girl, and doin' a great job! PM to follow...



Anonymous said...

Hello. I love how one blog leads me to another -- except for the way that my RSS list keeps growing! I found yours via Sam's, and I'm very glad I did. Somehow, I'm going to find the time to read one more blog. Maybe I'll even be able to read some of your earlier entries.

~K~ said...

Hi VĂ©ronique,

What a nice name you have, I love it..

Thanks for stopping by. I've actually gone to your blog through Sams as well. It is very cool how these things intertwine..

I hope you find some interesting stuff in mine, I'm sure somewhere you'll be able to relate, it seems that all of us have some kind of kindred connection in our journeys ...


Veronique said...

Relate? Of course! You and your spouse remain together through your transition, same as my spouse and me. That's a start. :)

Oh, and we moved here from New England, where I grew up.

I saw the before and after photos you posted a while back. Don't mind that sound. It's my jaw dropping. Hope it's OK for me to say that you look absolutely gorgeous. For me, that's what my Second Life avatar is for! I can only dream.

Thanks about the name.

~K~ said...

I think that's great that you are still with your wife, I wish more coules would come forward and show that it is possible.

If you don't mind me asking, where in New England did you grow up?

As far as the compliment, I don't mind you saiyng at all I really appreciate it and thank you, that's very sweet of you to say. That's been a hard thing for me to get into my head, so it's nice to have other people point it out to me..

Anonymous said...

It was difficult for my spouse, of course, but our love is very strong. And we just couldn't imagine not being with each other. That's really what did it. Who'd laugh at our stupid jokes?

Don't mind you asking about where I grew up, but check your email for the answer. :)