Where yesterday was a somber day today could be viewed as a day to celebrate. I’m a bit nervous about it but in all honestly it’s probably a relatively small thing looking from the outside in. Tonight I have my usual counseling session so she can monitor my progress, my concerns and anything that might need to be addressed. Tonight though, is the night I am due to be receiving my letter of referral for my name change. Something that we all look forward too in transition but to yet for some a very scary step.
While nothing really changes tonight it is a big step for me and in some sense a little bit of sadness. Not that I’m not overjoyed by all the changes by any means but as I mentioned to my friend Kristi yesterday it is kind of like letting go of a safety blanket.
Being Kevin as painful as it could be at times was still a persona that I could hide behind. There was no sense of vulnerability in Kevin. While he was a compassionate person, he at times he could be downright cold. The one thing that never concerned me was what people thought of me or at least that was the appearance I would give. Deep down I was always worried that my inner feelings would be revealed and I’d be ruined by it. It’s easier to shield yourself and only give what you want other to see …
So, in some instance it is scary letting go of what I know, but I am happy to be moving forward as well.