Apr 2, 2008

New Steps

Where yesterday was a somber day today could be viewed as a day to celebrate. I’m a bit nervous about it but in all honestly it’s probably a relatively small thing looking from the outside in. Tonight I have my usual counseling session so she can monitor my progress, my concerns and anything that might need to be addressed. Tonight though, is the night I am due to be receiving my letter of referral for my name change. Something that we all look forward too in transition but to yet for some a very scary step.

While nothing really changes tonight it is a big step for me and in some sense a little bit of sadness. Not that I’m not overjoyed by all the changes by any means but as I mentioned to my friend Kristi yesterday it is kind of like letting go of a safety blanket.

Being Kevin as painful as it could be at times was still a persona that I could hide behind. There was no sense of vulnerability in Kevin. While he was a compassionate person, he at times he could be downright cold. The one thing that never concerned me was what people thought of me or at least that was the appearance I would give. Deep down I was always worried that my inner feelings would be revealed and I’d be ruined by it. It’s easier to shield yourself and only give what you want other to see …

So, in some instance it is scary letting go of what I know, but I am happy to be moving forward as well.

1 comment:

Samantha said...

I'm so happy for you! I'll never forget that day in december when my lawyer called and said:

"Hello? Samantha? I just thought I'd give you a quick call and let you know that you are now, legally ever more Samantha (middle name) (last name) Turned out to be a none issue this time (was the second time he brought it before the judge)themotion you wrote was perfect! Judge read it, signed the motion, the order and that was it. I'll have the order overnighted to you shortly."

Then the almost anti-climatic way the UPS guy just stuck the red label package in the door and drove off... I was floating several feet of the ground for days after that.

For me it wasn't the waiting for a referal letter that was so hard, to be honest I didn't know I needed one. For me, it was getting things done and finished. I changed everything, first, middle and last names because at that point I was still being stalked. Had to take the extra steps so there wsa no "trail" between my old name and new one, so it took a bit of extra work.

I was so thrilled when finally my name was REALLY mine!

I'm so happy for you Karyn, it's just one amoung many wonderful steps before you. Like getting you new id and everything else. Rock on girlfriend!