midweek rambling

I haven’t had much to say lately, as there really hasn’t been a ton going on so I’ve been having a block about things to write about. I am however sitting here with a long run job and little else to do so hopefully something will come to mind.

When we headed down the road this am going east into the sunrise I have to admit it was more than a breath taking sight. There has a light haze of a cloud cover on the horizon, which acted as a filter so you could look directly at the big red disk of sunrays. It looked absolutely beautiful and huge in the morning sky.

My commute generally takes me down RT93 in the morning heading south which puts the eastern sunrise on my left. As I approached the Massachusetts border I notice that a thick black cloud cover had already slid overhead covering about ¾ of the sky from west to east. What made this an amazing sight was the fact that the sun was just low enough in the morning sky to beam brightly under the dark cloud cover. It was an ominous site to say the least.

It’s nice to be able to take note of these things now, as they tend to fill my day more than ever. I was so blindsided by my own issues that I rarely took time to enjoy the small parts of my day, it was more about just getting from point A to point B and surviving.

By the time I got to work it was totally overcast, it was amazing how fast it rolled in. Now I swear I can hear the roar of thunder echoing our building.

My chest has been incredibly sore this week, more than it has been in a while. I have to admit if this is what 13 yr old girls go through then I certainly feel for them. Generally people my age do not see much progress in the "breast development" area because the effects of testosterone have done so much damage, but so far I’ve actually seen more than I’d expected.

The general rule of thumb is that you could expect 1 cup size lower than the women in your family and that decreases with age. This was a scary thing for me as the women in my family were well endowed in that area. Even my own daughter had quite a big bust until she had to do something about it because of her back. This was a huge concern to me because I’ve never been terribly obsessed with breasts and I certainly don’t want to stand out.

I’ve joke with Dee on occasion that the tenderness I’m feeling is payback for all the times she complained during her cycle about her own sore chest.

On Sunday we went to my sister in laws for the holiday. At one point when my mother in law was standing in front of me turned in a hurry and caught me square in the chest with her elbow. My god I almost saw stars, the look on my face must have been quite amusing.

Lately I’ve noticed a huge decrease in strength as well, I’m simply no where near as strong as I was 2 yrs ago. This isn’t a bad thing beyond the fact that I tend to forget that when I try and do things. While I’ve never been built working in a machine shop had given me reasonably strong forearms and wrists. I’m even starting to notice that it’s harder to open a simple twist off beer bottle.

My sense of awareness still hasn’t changed much and I’m still trying to adjust to it. I’ve had instances where I’ve noted people looking at me or just get that "feeling" that everyone is staring. While it isn’t something I’m used too it apparently is something that is normal as both Dee and my friend Kristi keep pointing out to me. It is really tough unlearning core traits that you have had for 37-38 yrs such as this.

Saturday Dee and I were out on our Harleys going out to dinner when I noted something and asked her what she thought. I noticed more people giving us second looks and I remember asking her "what was up with that? " They are probably checking out the chick on the big bike she replied. It’s so funny how something as trivial as that can be such a nice thing.
I just have to keep reminding myself "baby steps" and hope my friends will keep slapping me until I fully get it.

Last Saturday morning we had a nice morning going for bagels and then looking for shoes. I got a few pairs of sandals and one pair I picked out was something Dee never thought I’d choose but she actually liked them. So much that she want’s to go back and look for some sandals for herself this Saturday. So our plans for Saturday are to go out for bagels and coffee, Dee goes for her laser appointment and then shoe shopping. Later in the day we will be meeting up with her parents to take the bikes for a dinner should the weather allow.

While her parents know about what I’m going through, I’m finding myself being really uncomfortable with this around them. I’m not exactly sure why but I can’t seem to beat it enough to fully allow them in and most of all allow myself to be comfortable enough to be "me" around them. This 2nd adolescence is for the birds sometimes .. LOL

Anyway, I guess that is enough for now even if it wasn’t quality content. OK maybe the boobage was somewhat educational ...

~K~