May 3, 2007

Wild week ...

Well it is a nice day outside, sun is shining bright and it is supposed to hit mid to upper 60’s today. Shaping up to be a great day so far, except for me. Tuesday I wasn’t feeling well and was totally drained so I left work about and hour early to go home and get a few hours sleep. When I awoke I felt a bit better so I naturally assumed that I must have just been tired.

Yesterday I didn’t feel bad but I certainly felt a bit funky. As the night went on I could just feel my body was acting as though it couldn’t stand me. Not that I was bad, but I just wasn’t myself.
This morning I’m sad to say I’ve awoken with what could be the worst sore throat I’ve ever had. It isn’t your general sore throat with the burning feeling. Whatever this is has settled in my left tonsil and it is swollen and painful to swallow, I can actually feel it rubbing against the back of my tongue!! I hope this subsides quickly or I’ll have to go to the doctor.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a beautiful day so Dee and I decided to take a vacation day, make a long weekend and spend some time out in the air. We were actually thinking about driving down to the Yankee Candle flagship store in South Deerfield Ma. It supposed to be a great tourist type place to spend the day. We’ll have to see what happens because it is a 2 hour drive from where we live. Could be fun though because if it is a nice enough day we should be able to put the tope down on the car and enjoy the sunshine.

Emotionally it’s been a crazy but good week for me. When I started my counseling and it was time to start letting people know what was up with me I was told to approach the wives as they would be able to explain it to their husbands. Well I’d been dreading telling one of my best friends for a very long time and in a email conversation with his wife this week I finally found an opening to break the news.

She took in well I’m glad to say and lucky enough she had just seen a special on 20/20 and one on discovery about this very issue the previous weekend. She was actually pretty open to the subject because she had a basis for it to work from. Doesn’t mean she understands it but she certainly assured me that our friendship wouldn’t change. She then asked me about telling her husband.

I had shared my original "coming out" blog with her so she could understand how this came about. She then decided she would print it out and hand it to my friend and let him read my words. The joke ended up being that I’m the person that actually told him. Nancy told me that she came home, kissed him on the cheek and asked him to read this with an open mind. She explained that it was someone they knew very well. Before her husband ever hit the end of it he asked if it was me.

After Nancy had explained to him that it was and that I had talked to her about it she told him that I was open and honest about answering questions as I had done with her the previous day. She then told him that what he could do for me the most was to pick up the phone and let me know it was cool and our friendship would endure.

When the call came in and I saw the caller ID my blood ran cold, I knew at that point that he must have been told already. I was on long distance with my brother so I hadn’t had a chance to answer. After I hung up with my brother and I was trying to muster up the courage to call him Diane noticed I hadn’t looked quite right and that I was trembling quite a bit. She kept reassuring me that everything would be OK …

When Mike answered the phone he made some small talk and jumped onto the subject letting me know that he knew. He simply told me that nothing changed and they have always considered us part of their family, most of all they would be there for anything we needed.
Sometimes you feel guilty over the craziest of things and I guess I’m no different. My guilt this week came in the form of not putting enough faith in the people who were closest to me, mainly out of fear. At any rate I’m feeling a bit more freedom from my shoulders this week and I appreciate the people around me even more …

Now if I could just get rid of this sore throat~


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